by Dr. David Doherty
The choice of a life partner will determine much of your future; it will seriously influence your children’s eternal destiny, and it will impact the testimony of your church. It is the most important decision you will ever make next to your salvation. Scripture has much to say about this subject! God has also given us examples of people who married unfit partners, i.e. David and Michal, Abigail and Nabal. Be careful! Look for these features in your “special friend.” He/she…
- Must Be Converted.
The Bible dogmatically declares that Christians are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Co. 6:14-18). Literally, we are not to be in a state of becoming unequally yoked with unbelievers. Find someone who deeply loves the Lord and he/she will have no trouble loving you for a lifetime.
- Must Be Consecrated.
Many people can “talk up a storm” of good intentions and lofty goals, but what is more important is what they actually accomplish. A glowing testimony is not necessarily a true picture of reality. Look for consistent godly living in a potential life partner. Any relationship will be as stable and meaningful as it is spiritually. Spirituality is never static. Look for honest spiritual growth in yourself and in your “super buddy.” Ask, is Jesus number one in his/her life?
- Must Be Controlled.
No one wants to be a “yo-yo” on someone’s emotional string. Make sure that a potential life partner is controlled by the Word of God and that he/she is honestly Spirit-led in emotions, attitudes.
- Must Be Compatible.
Don’t date anyone who exhibits qualities which would disqualify from being your life partner. Don’t marry anyone that you don’t deeply love or anyone who doesn’t truly love you. Make certain you are both being led by the Lord in the same direction for life. Ask yourself, “What attracts us to each other?” Learn to pray together, to laugh together, and to enjoy life together. Take all the time necessary to know the will of God in this vital area of life.
No one wants a miserable life and an unhappy marriage; such is not God’s desire for His children. With parental care and wisdom, God has provided us with counsel regarding what to look for in a potential life partner. Biblical credentials for a suitable life partner:
- A Godly Wife:
Titus 2 presents basic qualities for a Christian wife. She is to be a “taught” person (v.4). Her teachers are not the worldly, unbelieving professors of man’s wisdom. Rather, her teachers are mature, spiritual women who know by experience what they are teaching. These older women teach six “courses.” They are: (1). Sober-mindedness: This course produces purposeful discipline and wise choices. Graduates are serious, committed and sensible. They do not have ”butterfly” personalities. (2.) Love: This study teaches them to love their own husbands…a hard course! By loving the Lord, accepting their calling from God for their lives, graduates will resolve to love (to give and to receive love) their husbands. Don’t marry a flirt, or someone who is not committed to purity. (3.) Discretion: Students in this course “study” to make wise choices…they don’t live by flashes of impulse buying. Careful thought goes before their words and actions. (4.) Purity: This study avoids the psychological “mind-field” of immorality. Graduates don‘t have bitter regrets and shameful memories. They have dedicated themselves to the Lord and to the man they will marry for life. (5.) Home Management: A godly wife will keep her home loving, fresh, clean and rejoicing. Her home will be her earthly priority. (6.) Obedience: This course advocates loving cooperation with her husband. She is not a female “lone ranger.” Graduates form a happy “team” relationship with their husbands.
- A Godly Husband:
Scripture has something to say to young men who plan to be husbands in God’s time. A potential husband must be marked with: (1.) Sober-mindedness: He must be thoughtful, weigh his words and actions and be sensitive to other. Scripture must be his Guide. (2.) Good Works: He must be a worker! All his works must have the adjective “good” before them. He must seek to be a blessing, a breath of heavenly fresh air, to others. Good works motivate him. He must be consistent in his goodness. (3.) Doctrinal Purity: Right beliefs are foundational to right behaviour. A suitable husband must know the Lord, walk closely with Him and now the Word of God and live it out in daily life. To know sound doctrine is a good start towards living a life that is marked with “uncorruptness.” He has no moral rot. (4.) Sound Speech: A potential husband must know how to speak in such a way that others will not condemn him. He must be honest, true to Scripture, kind and gracious in all he says on a regular basis.