Saturday, January 31, 2015

What Real Freedom From Homosexuality Looks Like

by Matt Moore

I’m sitting here at Starbucks with the word document open… and blank. Wishing I had something to write about. I mean, I do. I have a lot of things going on in my life right now. It’s just that none of those things have anything to do with homosexuality. Nothing going on in my life right now has absolutely anything to do with things gay-in-nature.

…..It hit me, right as I was typing out that paragraph above: “I really am free of this thing.”
I’m free from homosexuality. Not free in the sense that I don’t experience attraction to men — I still feel that. Those butterflies. That inward pull. Dozens of times a day, I do. It’s a part of my life — a part of the sinful flesh that I temporarily indwell.

I’m free in the sense that it doesn’t dominate me. And I don’t just mean in an “I don’t act out anymore” kind of way. My freedom isn’t constituted by the mere fact that I’m not actively engaging in homosexual activity. You can modify your behavior and still be very much in bondage.

I’m free from homosexuality because it doesn’t
dominate my thought life, anymore. 

Before Christ saved me, I was obsessed with “the gay.” I was obsessed with denying and hiding my homosexual feelings for years. And then tiring of that misery, I became obsessed with satisfying the desires. Engulfing myself in them. Identifying myself by them.

And then a few years ago, Jesus got me. And when I say He got me, He got me. But I was still obsessed homosexuality. I was obsessed with my “testimony” — I was obsessed with being “that ex-gay Christian guy.” I was obsessed with writing blogs, writing books, speaking at conferences… all the while telling myself I was doing it for God.

I mean, sure. I was doing it for God, partly. But mostly, it was for me. It was to give my life purpose. I was on a crusade to legitimize my existence, my singleness, my different-ness, my place in this world. And used “ministry” as the venue to do just that.

But something over the past two years has changed, in me. A big something. I don’t find myself thinking on “the gay” anymore. My infrequent bloggings on this website are about the extent of my focus on the subject.

I find the life of my mind now is pretty much centered on God. Not merely the things of God, but the Person of God. Not perfectly centered, no doubt. But He is what I think about most. Knowing Him, loving Him, enjoying Him, serving Him, following Him, proclaiming Him to the people around me. Spending my life away for the sake of the gospel, where He’s placed me…in real life with real people who really need redemption. These are the thoughts, by God’s grace, that fill my mind.

People ask me all the time how they can be free from homosexuality. My short answer is this: The same sex desires may never go away. But stop obsessing over them. Stop trying to make them disappear. Stop trying to explain them away. Stop thinking about them all day long. Stop wrapping your identity up in them (whether you’re a Christian or not). Stop worshipping them. Worship Jesus.

That’s the cure — the cure to freedom. Worshiping Jesus.