The Driscolls' "Real Marriage"

In the Driscolls' new book, Real Marriage, they pervert and twist Paul's meaning from "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything" (1 Cor. 6:12). "From this taxonomy they draw three questions which they apply to a list of specific sexual acts. Is it lawful? seeks to ascertain whether an act violates the laws of government or the laws of God; Is it helpful? seeks to ascertain whether that act draws a couple together as one or pushes them apart as two; and Is it enslaving? seeks to ascertain whether that act could become obsessive, out of control, or addictive."¹ In their perversion of Paul's words, the Driscolls then say, "we are explaining what a married couple may do, not what they must do. The Bible often gives more freedom than our consciences can accept, and we then choose not to use all our freedoms."

I have never read the book and I do not plan to. I have heard enough out of the mouth of Mark Driscoll to know that he is not a person that any genuine Christian should be listening to. He is a filthy, disgusting, perverted swine! To respond to those ignorant individuals who would say, "You can't judge it if you've never read/watched/listened to it," I say: If parents tell their children never to touch the stove because it is hot and they will get burned, does that mean their children must touch the stove in order to accurately judge that it is hot and that they will indeed get burned? No, they do not! People who say that you have no valid opinion if you have never read/watched/listened to something are trying to feed you a fallacious argument. Their argument is baseless and asinine.

Without having read this book, there is a specific sexual act that comes to mind that I am certain they will address, seeing as how many confused individuals will no doubt ask about it (seeing as how it is a sick fascination amongst people these days). I have addressed this in a prior post, but it requires being addressed yet again. The act in question: anal intercourse. The old English term found in the Geneva Bible was "buggerer" (bugger), derived from the Anglo-Norman "bougre." The more-or-less modern term is "sodomite." Both these terms describe anal intercourse between two men and/or anal intercourse between a man and a woman. To demonstrate that this is so, here are two dictionary definitions for the related words:

Canadian Oxford Dictionary:

bugger n. slang a person who commits buggery.
buggery n. 1 anal intercourse. 2 bestiality.
sodomite n. a person who engages in sodomy.
sodomy n. anal intercourse performed between two males or a male and a female.

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary:

¹bugger n. sodomite.
²bugger vt. to commit sodomy with.
buggery n. sodomy.
sodomite n. one who practices sodomy.
sodomy n. [the homosexual proclivities of the men of the city in Gen 19:1-11] 1 copulation with a member of the same sex or with an animal. 2 anal copulation with a member of the opposite sex.

If the Driscolls are going to apply their "grid" (their use of 1 Cor. 6:12) to this sexual act, any legitimizing ("what a married couple may do") thereof by them for married couples is dead wrong! It is clearly against the laws of God. Ever since high school, I have always stated that a man who has anal intercourse with a woman is severely messed up in the head and acting out homosexual-like tendencies. At that time, I never had a clue what the above words meant. It turns out that my statement was very much true. Furthermore, any woman who would let a man degrade her like this and do this to her (and perversely enjoy it) is severely messed up in the head, too. Anal intercourse is a disgusting and degrading abominable practice!

The Driscolls addressing these various sexual acts is not needed. Especially not in the manner with which they no doubt deal with them (based on how he has dealt with this subject in the past). If a married couple wants to know whether a particular sexual act is valid for them or not, all they have to do is (1) search God's Word, (2) think logically about it, and (3) discuss it amongst themselves. If it is something legitimate but one of you feels awkward about it, do not do it. There might be nothing wrong with it, but if the other person does not feel right about it, respect that and leave it alone. Romans 14 and Philippians 2:3-4 might help here; get you thinking about the other person rather than about yourself. For the question of anal intercourse, the answer is a no-brainer; it is clearly against the laws of God. If it is a question of role-play in the bedroom, just take a moment to think about that. What are you doing when you are role-playing? Typically, 9 times out of 10, you are imagining your spouse to be someone other than who they are; not merely them in a different setting/occupation. This would be categorized as lusting and/or adultery.

Too many people these days forget what the Bible has to say: "Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled" (Hebrews 13:4). Not only is this referring to the defiling of the marriage bed by the committal of adultery, but it can also refer to discussing sexual acts outside of the marriage bed without shame. If a young couple has legitimate concerns, I see nothing wrong with them approaching a mature Christian couple (or the elders of the church) and asking them about it. They can receive wise godly counsel this way. However, the sexual acts of the marriage bed should not be discussed as loosely as they are in public by the world. Genuine Christians need to start standing up and silencing those who do such by letting them know we disapprove. Let us try and bring back some sort of moral decency to our communities and societies. Change starts with us. Be bold and take a stand. The Apostles turned the world upside down, let us do the same.

---

¹Tim Challies, Challies.com: "Real Marriage: Can We _____?".

Fighting Sexual Sin

from the guys at Wretched Radio

Fighting sexual sin is not easy, but it's not impossible. Here is the reality though... you are not so much fighting the actual act of the sexual sin as you are fighting the sin of lust that leads to the sexual sin. So if you can fight the sin of lust, you will be more equipped to fight the sexual sins that result from it. But remember and know this: the fight against sin is the fight of faith... and if you do not fight, that indicates a lack of faith... and very possibly a sign of unbelief. Your desire to fight is a good sign.

Think about this. You know what Jesus said about adultery and lust in Matthew 5:27-28, right? What did He say right after that?

Matthew 5:29 "If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell."

I think it is correct to say that Jesus was saying that, speaking in the direct context of lust, if we do not fight lust with everything we have got, even to the point of gouging out our eyes if that is what it takes, then we will be cast into hell. There must be a holy determination to avoid lust, and the one who does not fight it is not fit for the Kingdom of God. Those are hard words, but I do not see how it can be interpreted any differently. It is very plain. You must fight! But you must fight in faith, in and by the power of God. You must do whatever it takes to avoid lust. If you can do that, then pornography will not be a temptation.

Take a listen to this sermon by John Piper. It will be very helpful in your fight of faith against lust, and the resulting sexual sin:
Battling the Unbelief of Lust

Also here is an article adapted from one written by Phil Johnson, who is an associate of John MacArthur. There are some sermons also at the bottom of the article that are very well done.

The Bible tells us that "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to men" (1 Corinthians 10:13). Without question, the struggle with one's sexual thought life is a very common problem that men and women, Christian and non-Christian, battle daily.

But notice that this same verse goes on to say God will not give us more than we can handle—He will provide a way to deal with the temptation.

It is clear that pornography, masturbation and other sexual sin is adultery in the heart, because lust is obviously involved (Matthew 5:28). Lust is the problem that leads a person to become involved in sexual sins. The sin becomes a habit that perpetuates lust, and tremendous guilt results. It is a vicious cycle, and is much like fire, which never says "enough" (Proverbs 30:15-16).

Many people plagued with guilt because of this habit try to assuage the guilt by attacking the habit. Frustration results when they find they cannot stop. But the habit is not actually the problem . . . it is the sin that perpetuates the habit . . . the lust that controls the heart.

As I suggested, God has provided a way for us to deal with this problem. Let me suggest four steps to take in dealing with the problem:

1. Be constantly confessing lust as sin (1 John 1:9) and ask God, who can do all things, to help control it (Jeremiah 32:17, John 15:2 and 5).
2. Spend daily time in God’s Word (Colossians 3:16) so that your mind can dwell on pure thoughts (Philippians 4:8).
3. Spend time with other Christians who can encourage and support you when you begin to struggle with sin.
4. Stay away from all suggestive books, movies, television programs, and any compromising situations.

The struggle with lust and other sins of the flesh is a lifelong one. Do not get discouraged if suddenly you find yourself falling back into the same sin just when you thought everything was under control. Implement the above suggestions, and I believe that you will begin to see some very real victory over this problem and will watch this habit die in your life.

A helpful book that deals with overcoming sinful habits in general is "How to Say No to a Stubborn Habit" by Erwin Lutzer. Another, and very highly recommended, is "Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World” by Joshua Harris.

Here are some links to Phil Johnson's sermons that may be helpful:

How to Deal with an Evil Habit

Renewing the Mind

Wisdom Guards the Heart

Guarding Your Thoughts

Why Is the Struggle with Sin So Hard?

40 Powerful Reasons To Avoid Pornography

by Daniel Henderson

1. I enjoy the pleasure of a love relationship with God.
2. I fulfill my true identity as a child of God.
3. I experience God’s provision of empowering grace.
4. I enjoy my spiritual freedom to its fullest.
5. I avoid a life pattern of deception.
6. I cultivate a soft and sensitive conscience.
7. I turn away from the solicitation of harlots in my heart.
8. I refuse the temptation of idolatry.
9. I prove to be a faithful steward of my money.
10. I prove to be a faithful steward of my time.
11. I abstain from any promotion and support of the pornography industry.
12. I preserve God’s give of loving sexual expression for its intended purpose.
13. I protect the purity and power of my God-given imagination.
14. I develop disciplined character.
15. I guard the integrity of my Christian testimony.
16. I promote health and harmony in the body of Christ.
17. I cultivate a stronger resistance to future interpersonal sexual sin.
18. I nurture the proper biblical view of the sanctity of womanhood.
19. I relate to women as equals and person of ultimate worth.
20. I learn to live in reality rather than fantasy.
21. I steer clear of unnecessary personal guild and shame.
22. I cultivate a lifestyle of contentment and satisfaction.
23. I experience the blessing of living as a servant.
24. I learn the relational skills of authentic intimacy.
25. I avoid future mental, emotional, and spiritual scars on my life.
26. I experience the joy of the Christian life.
27. I lay up eternal rewards.
28. I learn to deal with the causes of my problems rather than treating symptoms.
29. I prevent potential temptations for others in my sphere of influence.
30. I honour the trust and prayer support of those who have invested in my spiritual life.

IF I AM MARRIED

31. I avoid adultery in my heart.
32. I encourage my wife’s trust.
33. I honour my vow of marital purity and faithfulness.
34. I keep my marriage union pure from fantasies of other women.
35. I communicate acceptance and honour toward my wife.
36. I avoid the pathway that could easily result in infidelity.

IF I HAVE CHILDREN

37. I minimize the risk of my children being exposed to pornography.
38. I model strong and genuine moral values for my children.
39. I avoid embarrassing and embittering my children.
40. I encourage all of the above positive qualities in their lives.

Killing the Beast of Pornography

by Flame (Christian Rap Artist)

I write to you with deep concern and compassion. I recognize that this will be a fight over time for those who struggle in this area. If you do not struggle in this area, I recommend that you stay clear of it.

The first thing I want to encourage you with is that God has not left us alone in this area. He has given us the Holy Spirit and a new nature to help us combat this temptation. Our responsibility is to fight and trust God. We do this by disciplining our bodies and bringing it into submission (1 Cor. 9:27).

The Bible tells us that “No temptation has over taken you except such as is common to man, but God is faithful who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it” (1 Cor. 10:13). So don’t fret my friend, God has already made us free from this bondage to pornography and has made us slaves to Him (Rom. 6:22).

Be encouraged my brothers and sisters you can defeat this!

TIPS:

• Pray fervently.
  James 5:16 says, “…the effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails [accomplishes] much.”
• Read scripture daily.
  Psalm 119:9 says, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By taking heed according to Your word.”
• Get accountability!
  Find at least one person you can trust to confess your struggles to. James 5:16 says, “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed...” It is important to confess both your successes and failures.
• Set daily and weekly goals for abstaining from pornography.
  Take it one day at a time.
• Avoid T.V. shows, movies, music or any other media that has sexual content if possible.
• Don’t condemn yourself if you fail.
  Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” Pray and repent and continue walking according to the Spirit. Don’t give up!

Ten Ways to Break the Stronghold of Pornography

from The Evidence Bible

Before you go through these... have you looked at yourself under the penetrating light of God's Law? Have you come to a place of genuine repentance? Do you know that your heart is desperately wicked; that it's an enemy of God? Do you see your Adamic nature as a Judas living within you, raising his hands and crying "Master, Master," but at the same time betraying the Son of Man with a kiss? Then put that traitor to death. Never trust your own heart again. It cares for nothing but self. The instant gratification of thirty pieces of silver is better than Heaven's approval. It is self-serving, self-gratifying, and self-deceiving. It is "earthly, sensual, devilish" (James 3:15). Look at what Philippians 2:12 says about the "self" nature:

"...work out (cultivate, carry out to the goal, and fully complete) your own salvation with reverence and awe and trembling (self-distrust, with serious caution, tenderness of conscience, watchfulness against temptation, timidly shrinking from whatever might offend God and discredit the name of Christ)" (The Amplified Bible).

1. Would you ever take pornography to church and look at it during worship? You may as well, because God is just as present in your bedroom as He is in the church building.
2. Face the fact that you may not be saved. Examine yourself to ensure that Christ is living in you (2 Corinthians 13:5. See Romans 6:11–22; 8:1–14; Ephesians 5:3–8.)
3. Realize that when you give yourself to pornography, you are committing adultery (Matthew 5:27,28).
4. Grasp the serious nature of your sin. Jesus said that it would be better for you to be blind and go to heaven, than for your eye to cause you to sin and end up in hell (Matthew 5:29).
5. Those who profess to be Christians yet give themselves to pornographic material evidently lack the fear of God (Proverbs 16:6). Cultivate the fear of God by reading Proverbs 2:1–5.
6. Read Psalm 51 and make it your own prayer.
7. Memorize James 1:14-15 and 1 Corinthians 10:13. Follow Jesus’ example (Matthew 4:3–11) and quote the Word of God when you are tempted (see Ephesians 6:12–20).
8. Make no provision for your flesh (Romans 13:14; 1 Peter 2:11). Get rid of every access to pornographic material—the Internet, printed literature, TV, videos, and movies. But don't just stop there... you also need to begin to think about how high God's standard of holiness and purity really is. What the general public would have called "pornographic" just 60 to 70 years ago is plastered through your Sunday morning newspaper, the billboards you see on your way to work, and the magazines that line the counters at the grocery checkout. Even television commercials are filled with images that if you printed them off and stood in front of an elementary school showing them to children... you would be arrested. The fire is being fed from all different directions... not just those that the world labels as "pornographic." You must stop feeding the fire.
9. Guard your heart with all diligence (Proverbs 4:23). Don’t let the demonic realm have access to your thought-life. The Bible commands you to get control of your thoughts; read what Romans 13:14 says, "But clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah), and make no provision for [indulging] the flesh [put a stop to thinking about the evil cravings of your physical nature] to [gratify its] desires (lusts)" (The Amplified Bible - bold added for emphasis). If you give yourself to it, you will become its slave (Romans 6:16). Read the Bible daily, without fail. As you submit to God, the devil will flee (James 4:7-8).
10. The next time temptation comes, do fifty push-ups, then fifty sit-ups. If you are still burning, repeat the process (see 1 Corinthians 9:27, and 1 Corinthians 7:9). This is not just a random "get your mind off it" exercise. This produces a physical reaction that is the equivalent of what is often called a "cold shower."

Combating Lust

by Joshua Harris (from Not Even a Hint)

LIE: Lust is no big deal.
TRUTH: For lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished. It is a devastating fire that destroys to hell. It would wipe out everything I own. (Job 31:11-12 NLT)

LIE: A little sinful fantasizing won’t hurt.
TRUTH: To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. (Romans 8:6 ESV)
Do not e deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. (Galatians 6:7-8 ESV)
But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. (Romans 13:14 ESV)

LIE: Taking radical action against sin isn’t necessary.
TRUTH: If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. (Matthew 5:29-30)
Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)

LIE: God won’t mind a little compromise…
TRUTH: Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. (Colossians 3:5-6)
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. (Ephesians 5:3)

LIE: It’s my body. I can do what I want with it.
TRUTH: Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you are bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body. (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

LIE: I can’t control my sex drive.
TRUTH: It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-6)

LIE: Looking at a few pornographic pictures won’t affect me.
TRUTH: Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? (Proverbs 6:25-26)
I will set before my eyes no vile thing. (Psalm 101:3)

LIE: I won’t experience any consequences for indulging in my lust.
TRUTH: So then, each of us will give account of himself to God. (Romans 4:12)
The Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. (Hebrews 12:6)
After desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. (James 1:15)

LIE: People get away with adultery.
TRUTH: For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. (Proverbs 5:3-5)
Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your best strength to others and your years to one who is cruel, lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich another man’s house. At the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent. (Proverbs 5:8-11)

LIE: God is keeping something good from me.
TRUTH: Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a door-keeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you. (Psalm 84:10-12)

LIE: The pleasure lust promises is better and more real than God’s pleasure.
TRUTH: You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. (Psalm 16:11)

LIE: Fulfilling my lust will satisfy me.
TRUTH: I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. (Lamentations 3:24-26)
The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied. (Proverbs 19:23 ESV)

LIE: Too much purity will keep me from seeing and enjoying beauty.
TRUTH: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. (Matthew 5:8)
For the Lord is righteous; he loves righteous deeds; the upright shall behold his face. (Psalm 11:7 ESV)
Your eyes will behold the king in his beauty; they will see a land that stretches afar. (Isaiah 33:17 ESV)

THE ROAD TO VICTORY:

1. Make a covenant with your eyes.
2. Daily devotion to the Lord including prayer and Bible reading.
3. Motivated choice to win the battle.
4. Maintain relationship with God through prayer and Bible reading.
5. Have an accountability group.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. (Ephesians 5:3)

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28)

“Food for the stomach and the stomach for food” – but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. (1 Corinthians 6:13)

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God. (1 Thessalonians 5:3-5)

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Marriage: Forgiveness and Reconcilliation

My fiancee and I were discussing adultery one night. We both know that divorce is not an option (Malachi 2:3-6; Matthew 19:4-6; Mark 10:7-9), and that if we were to separate, we are commanded to either reconcile or remain single for the rest of our lives (1 Corinthians 7:10-11, 39; Romans 7:2-3). We addressed the fact that, just like David, neither of us is above falling into this sin because every one of us has the capacity to commit this sin. This is why we need to guard our hearts and protect the sanctity of our marriage, not allowing ourselves to be placed in compromising situations (1 Thessalonians 5:22) that could open us to temptation and lead us into sin (James 1:14-15), thereby defiling the marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4; Proverbs 6:32).

My fiancee had said that if I were to commit adultery, she could forgive me but she would leave and never return. Sadly, this tends to be our natural human response. I pointed out to her that if that were her response, then she would not have truly forgiven me. She would only be telling herself that she has forgiven me in order to appease her own conscience.

I illustrated to her that if she committed adultery against me, it would indeed hurt me, I would indeed be angry, and it would indeed be difficult to trust her again—but not impossible. As much as her adultery would hurt me, if I consider all the heinous sins I have committed against Jesus, minute after minute, day after day, year after year, how much pain did I cause Christ? How much pain did He feel on His way to the cross because of my sins? How much pain did He feel when God’s wrath was poured on Him because of my sins? If Christ can forgive me of all my sins against Him, then surely I can forgive my spouse for committing adultery against me. If I am to be anything like Christ, I must.

Jesus said that if we have anything against our brother, we need to go and be reconciled to him (Matthew 5:23-24). In order to be reconciled to him, there must be forgiveness. If there is forgiveness, there will be reconciliation. The two go hand in hand. Jesus said that we must forgive 70 multiplied by 7 times (Matthew 18:22), which means there should be no end to our forgiveness. If we are genuinely forgiving, then there will be reconciliation because that is what forgiveness does—it reconciles.

I explained that when Jesus forgives us, we are reconciled to the Father (Romans 5:10; 2 Corinthians 5:18). If we were not reconciled to the Father, then we would not truly have forgiveness. The same is true within marriage. If either of us committed adultery against the other, genuine forgiveness would and must result in reconciliation. If we are who and what we claim to be—Christians, and if we desire to be like Christ, then this is a command for us. We need to think of Christ, think like Christ, and act like Christ.

Marriage is a picture of the Gospel. The Gospel teaches us that despite all our sins we can have forgiveness through Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:7; Colossians 1:14) and reconciliation to God the Father (Romans 5:10; 2 Corinthians 5:18). What does it say to the world about the Gospel of Jesus Christ if a married couple cannot forgive and be reconciled to each other? Forgiveness means reconciliation. Anyone who does not believe this does not believe the Gospel.

Even with the sin of adultery, husband and wife can forgive and be reconciled and the marriage can be healed and prosper. Harmony can be restored and the home can be rebuilt. These are the works of God. This is the power of God. If we are Christians and if we are Christ-like, these are our works because we are the image of Christ. Even if adultery took place, we are commanded to forgive and to be reconciled because of what marriage pictures and represents.

It is my prayer that the enemy, the devil, would not be granted a foothold in my marriage in order to try and destroy it. It is my prayer that God would guard my fiancee and I and to protect our hearts, drawing us ever closer to Himself and to each other. It is my prayer that we would build a strong marriage, a strong love, a strong life, a strong family, and a strong home together, built upon our Rock, Jesus Christ.

Marriage: Divorce and Re-marriage

Malachi 2:14-16 clearly states that God hates divorce. Now, are we to understand that Jesus, Who is God, Who hates divorce, turned around and gave a cause for divorce? No, because He did no such thing, as Matthew 19:4-6 tells us. After Jesus made this statement, the Pharisees then tried to pit Moses against Jesus by asking Him why Moses allowed it (by the way, Moses never allowed it, he regulated it (Deuteronomy 24:1-4)). Jesus then sets them straight and tells them that Moses did so because of the hardness of their hearts, but it was not this way from the beginning. When two people are married, God joins them together, and Jesus declared to the Pharisees “What God has joined together let no man separate.”

If we turn to 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Paul sets forth his understanding of Jesus’ teachings (and remember, Paul was taught of the Lord Jesus for three years (Galatians 1:12, 18) and his words were inspired by the Holy Spirit). Paul makes it abundantly clear in these verses that what he is saying comes directly from the Lord and not from himself. Now, there is biblical grounds for separation (such as with an abusive husband), but the end goal should always be reconciliation (get him some help, pray for his salvation, and restore what God joined together). Otherwise, the Christian is commanded to remain single for the rest of his/her life, or until his/her spouse dies.

Look at what Mark 10:11-12 teaches. Both verses state that if the husband or wife divorce his/her spouse and marries another, he/she commits adultery against his/her spouse. Why? Because the covenant has not been disavowed. This is not speaking of something that happened before divorce, this is speaking with regard to after the divorce. By being with another person, he/she commits adultery against his/her spouse whom he/she has divorced. Look at what Luke 16:18 teaches. This verse states that whoever marries a divorced person commits adultery. In all three gospel records (Matthew, Mark, and Luke) we have all three parties being called adulterers in a divorce situation. All of this is after the divorce... not before it.
The grammar for the Greek word “commits” in these verses is present continuous, meaning that every moment it continues they are still committing adultery.

Examine Ecclesiastes 5:4-5. When we get married, we declare vows before God and our witnesses (friends and family), entering into a covenant (not a contract) with God and our spouse. This covenant is entered into by three people: God, the husband, and the wife. This covenant, like every covenant in the Bible, is until death. Malachi 2:14 says, “Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” If we marry an unbeliever and they leave us, we are still bound by our vows and by our covenant. Why? Because two of the three covenant parties still remain locked in that covenant—God and the believer. If we value these things and desire to honour and glorify God, we will remain single for the rest of our life or until God restores that relationship or until that spouse dies. In 1 Corinthians 7:12-16, which are Paul’s words, not God’s (although they are still inspired by the Holy Spirit), he never says that the Christian is free to remarry—ever. In fact, doing so would contradict what he just admitted God has said in verses 10-11. He also states in Romans 7:2-3 and 1 Corinthians 7:39 that only death can abolish the marriage covenant. Murder does not count. Bathsheba is never referred to as David's wife, but always as Uriah's wife (Matthew 1:6). Likewise, when Herodias divorced her husband Phillip and married Herod, John the baptizer referred to her as "Phillip's wife" (Matt. 14:3-4; Luke 3:19).

Marriage: Count the Cost

Jesus said, "Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, 'This man began to build and was not able to finish.'" (Luke 14:28-30)

The context is clear as to what He was referring. However, an application can be drawn from this and applied to marriage. I do not want you to misunderstand me here; this passage is not speaking with regard to marriage, but it does have an application than can be used toward marriage.

In today's society, little to no consideration is put into marriage. People enter into it blindly, thinking that it is somehow supposed to be a fairy tale romance with a happy ending and no problems along the road whatsoever. They are blinded and self-deceived. They stand at the altar vainly and emptily utter those sacred covenant committing vows, "to love, honour, and cherish, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health," yet when the first sign of trouble comes along, or something pathetically unimportant (such as leaving the toilet seat up or hair in the drain), they run for divorce. Just to give you a bit of a wake up call here in order to save you from loads of embarrassing disappointment, you are never going to find a relationship where problems do not exist! Ever! The two of you are both selfish, self-centered individuals. You are going to clash. There is no one whom you are compatible with. You need to learn to be compatible; you need to learn to be one, rather than two; you need to learn to love each other; you need to learn to give of yourself sacrificially to each other; you need to learn to reconcile through apology and forgiveness; you need to learn to be gracious and merciful toward one another in love. These things do not come easily.

When it comes to marriage, you need to take it seriously. You need to take a good hard look at it and ask yourself if you truly love the other person or if it is merely lust, infatuation, or the love of them fitting a certain mould you have created for them in your mind. Remember, life happens. For example, what if your spouse has gorgeous hair and they get cancer and then lose all of their hair. Are they going to somehow be different in your eyes now? Less beautiful than they once were? What if your spouse is involved in a terrible car accident that either renders them without the use of their legs for the rest of their life or they go through the windshield and their face is horribly cut up? Do you honestly love them enough to fulfill your vows of covental commitment "for better or for worse" and to remain with them? Or will you run for the door like a coward, proving you never truly loved them to begin with but merely loved a mould you had for them in your mind as long as they fit it?

This is where the application can be drawn from Jesus' words and applied to marriage. Count the cost! Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. It is a serious matter. It is for life! It is not a car that, when you get tired of it, you can just trade it in. That is the most awful and unloving manner in which you can look at your spouse. It says that they have no value in your eyes other than a particular role they fill. The above examples are just some of the ways in which you need to seriously count the cost of what it means to get married. You need to count the cost of what freedoms as a single person you will be giving up. You need to count the cost of the various bumps in the road that you are going to experience and have to deal with. You need to count the cost of what it is going to mean when particular troubles rear their ugly heads. Talk to married couples and find out what obstacles and hurdles they have had to face in their marriages and then count the cost in regard to the possibility that those same things might occur in your own marriage.

Even the most perfect marriage on the face of this Earth has its disagreements and arguments. Marriage does not come easy; it requires hard work from which you are never allowed a vacation (i.e., you cannot clock out on your marriage). You have to continually put effort into it to make it what you desire it to be. If you think it should be a fairy tale romance, then you have a ton of work that you need to put into it to make it so. Until the both of you learn to co-operate and agree and work together, you will always clash because you are both sinful, selfish, self-centered, individually minded people who have your own ideas of how things ought to be. You need to communicate with each other, you need to sacrifice every now and then, and you need to grow in love, grace, mercy, patience, forgiveness, etc., etc., toward one another. You need to display toward your spouse what Christ Jesus has already displayed toward you.

Marriage is not for the faint of heart. It is a serious covenantal commitment for life. If you enter into it lightly with no concern for the gravity thereof, statistical chances are that you are going to ruin someone else's life. What is your purpose and/or desire for wanting to get married? Examine your heart motive and make sure that it is a godly response and not a selfish one. If you cannot come up with a good response, then you should not be married—or you are not ready to be married. Count the cost of it!

Race and Racism

Racism is a misnomer. It is a misleading term. There is no such thing as race or racism because there only exists the human race. If such things as The Lord of the Rings or Star Wars or Star Trek were real, then we would have such a thing as racism because there would exist different races with which to be racist against. However, on planet Earth every single person belongs to the same race. Skin colour is not a race. Ethnicity is not a race. The correct terminology to be used is "prejudice." White people who dislike black people or black people who dislike white people are prejudiced—not "racist." It is no different than a fat person not liking a skinny person or a skinny person not liking a fat person. To call it racism would entail that they dislike or hate the entire human race, regardless of colour or ethnicity, because that is the only race that exists on this planet and in this universe.

In The Lord of the Rings, it refers to "the race of Men," which differs from the race of Elves and the race of Dwarves. It also differs from the race of Klingons and the race of Vulcans. All men, regardless of colour or ethnicity, belong to a single race—the human race. Dogs are a species. They differ from cats, monkeys, and elephants. All of these are rightly termed "species." However, Poodles are not a species, Chihuahuas are not a species, and Saint Bernards are not a species. They are different "kinds" existing within the single "species" dog. When bred together, the result is a dog. White people and black people are simply different skin colours existing within the single race of men. When bred together, the result is a human being.

Acts 17:26 declares, "He made from one blood, every nation of mankind..." God created Adam and Eve, a single race of humans. The rest of mankind's lineage is as follows: Adam → Seth → Enosh → Kenan → Mahalalel → Jared → Enoch → Methuselah → Lamech → Noah → Shem, Ham, and Japheth. After the flood, you had a single family of mankind to replenish the Earth. The descendants of Shem are what we know to be Asians. The descendants of Ham are what we know to be Africans. The descendants of Japheth are what we know to be Europeans. Despite the differences that appeared within their skin colour, all these people do not belong to different "races." The Bible refers to the different people groups as "nations, tribes, languages, and people." Never as "race," because they all belong to a single race—the human race, mankind.

There is a Chinese proverb that states, "The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names." Will the erroneous terminology of "race" and "racism" die out any time soon? Not likely. It is embedded deeply in most people's minds, having been birthed through evolutionary nonsense, and, because they lack the ability to think for themselves, or to even think logically, they will never come to terms with the fact that there is no difference whatsoever between a white person, a black person, a brown person, a yellow person, or a red person (by the way, I absolutely hate describing people by colours; we are all people) other than skin colour. The difference in skin colour is attributed to the concentration of melanin within our skin; the lower the amount the lighter your skin, the higher the amount the darker your skin (according to the von Luschan scale). We have the exact same genetic makeup and are descended from the exact same ancestors—Adam and Eve and Noah and his family.

In a cover article from Newsweek 1988 entitled “The Search for Adam and Eve,” palaeontologist Stephen Jay Gould wrote, “It makes us realize that all human beings, despite differences in external appearances, are really members of a single entity that’s had a very recent origin in one place. There is a kind of biological brotherhood that’s much more profound than we ever realized.” [Emphasis mine.] According to the article, scientists “…trained in molecular biology … looked at an international assortment of genes and picked up a trail of DNA that led them to a single woman from whom we all descended.” [Emphasis mine.] … “There weren’t even telltale distinctions between races.” Duh! That’s because there is only one race. The human race. Then, in 1995, Time Magazine had a brief article saying there was scientific evidence that “…there was an ancestral ‘Adam,’ whose genetic material on the chromosome is common to every man now on earth.” [Emphasis mine.] Again, duh! Geneticists have proven the Bible accurate and reliable once again, proving the fact that there was an Adam and an Eve and that we are all descended from them.

There are some ignorant individuals out there who call themselves "Christians" and try to use the Bible to say that different colours and ethnicities should never intermarry. They will twist passages such as "do not be unequally yoked" (2 Cor. 6:14), and those where God tells Israel not to intermarry with the people in the land of Canaan, entirely out of context just to use them as proof texts. Any good student of the Word of God will notice that the context of these passages deals with idolatry. If someone of a different colour, ethnicity, or culture worships a different god, the Christian is commanded not to marry them because they have nothing in common. However, if someone of a different colour, ethnicity, or culture worships the true God of the Bible, the Christian is free to marry them because they have everything in common. Your new national identity is in Heaven. Your new ethnicity is that of a Saint. Your new culture is that of a holy, righteous, and obedient lifestyle. Your new heritage is inherited from Christ Jesus. You worship one God and Father by one Spirit through one Lord and Saviour, Christ Jesus, baptized into one Body, the Universal Church, united by one faith. Wherever Christ Jesus is present, He overrides and overrules every earthly barrier, whether it be ethnicity, culture, language, or colour. Do not let the ignorance of men colour your world. In Christ Jesus, there is no distinction because we are all one.

Some individuals claim that God is against inter-marriage and that He will not bless the children of inter-marriage. These individuals would do well to actually read their Bibles. Moses was married to a Cushite woman, an African woman from the region of modern Ethiopia and Sudan (Num. 12:1). Joseph was married to the daughter of an Egyptian priest, who was also African (Gen. 41:50), from whom Ephraim and Manasseh, two of the largest tribes of Israel, come (Gen. 41:51-52). Jesus’ own genealogy consists of two gentile women: Rahab, who was a Canaanite (Matt. 1:5), and Ruth, who was a Moabite (Ruth 1:4, 22; 2:2, 6, 21; 4:5, 10; Matt. 1:5).